A Blue Bouquet

When we look out do we really see the life's of those around us, or only see the numbness of modern day society. * I often wonder about the tales of those life's we don't know. The people who pass us by on the street, what could they be hiding behind there smile, there well put together outfits and there somewhat flawless make up ? Everybody hides something, no one is perfect, there is no such thing as perfect or normal, simple words we wish we didn't know sometimes. Behind my smile I hide the life I've lead. As a child I witnessed my father committing suicide, soon after my home burnt down, us penniless people were homeless and holding out for hope that never came. I had the clothes on my back and nothing else, yet with the strength of my mother with who I credit each day, we made it, we bet the statistics and achieved something out of our lives. That night holds the key to my slight depression and anxiety, something I'm learning to deal with every ...

It's always there, the idea that we will eventually get there, the idea that we will receive our just deserts and the idea that all that we are is just what we have done. We all feel the pressure of the daily grind bearing down on our shoulders, we all think about tomorrow with such enthusiasm and such light, but when we think of the future do we ever really plan for it like we do for the tomorrow's? It's been on my mind for a long time now, the idea that one day I'll be something better then what I am today, yet the idea of such actions to receive my just deserts aren't so sweet. That dark cloud that's always there slowly starts to loom when I think of reaching out of my comfort zone, I can only see the failure I assume I am, not that of the greatness I can achieve. * Lighter words from friends help in believing the dreams we all have, the idea that one day we can all relax and be where we want to be even if we've been beaten down, teased and misund...

We all go through at it at some stage or another, we all feel the weight of the night sky fall down upon on weakened shoulder's, making us rethink our actions, our words and even ourselves. It's a bitter sweet reality but sometimes we all need a break from the reality we know, even if it's not what we want. It's pushing on two months now, the bittersweet taste of home only reminded me of the positive factors I have in my life and sadly the one that almost got destroyed. It's been a hard struggle to stay up lately, the big D has been waging a slight war inside my head regarding the factors we've been missing, the factors we choose to ignore and the factors that ultimately brought us here. The isolation has been bleak but I've seen the light just as before, with every dark cloud there's a silver lining even if by default. We've been here before dear friend but not on such a scale, the memories we share are only too fondly missing by this soul, ...

I remember the breeze was cooling us down from the scorching sun above. Our feet ached because of the walk we done, yet our minds raced at the possibilities around us. It was my time to discover, my time to rest and ultimately my time to get away from it all. Everything slowly started to fall sort back home, the relationship with my family took a nose dive, trouble appeared in all shapes and forms and I couldn't manage the pressure, the feeling of failure and the sheer defeat in the process of guidance. It took me quite some time to build up the courage to actually slowly plan my escape, but I did. The months leading up to my departure were great, it almost seemed that life had slowly slotted itself back into place and an even better one at that- but the fragmented memories I have only tell the good times for we choose to ignore the bad. It wasn't a fairy tale, it was once love. Love the blossomed under the tall grass and under those duvets, the plastic card that h...