A Blue Bouquet

I was powerless over the mind. The body crying out for reasons unknown, drowned by drink and filled with drugs, it was an escape more then a past time.  The sweet folk tormenting us both poor soul, no light in those corridors of trust and love, no light to see the mess you became.  I'm breaking down again, yet I've been broken down since day one, sense doesn't exist here.  The years gone by too fast, yet the struggle still presides inside us both.  The questions for the past the present and the future, I think I'm breaking down again.  Fictional friends have come and gone betrayed our trust and started words which were't spoken. They might as well contribute to this mess for betrayal is on the menu once again.  Look behind you for the grass is greener then you once imagined.  There coming up, as I run past the faces of the past, scream with joy at the people of the present ...

It doesn't feel real sometimes. Salt water kisses I recall, clouded in gray as memory's slowly shatter. Big blue watery eye's piercing my soul, holding out for hope and speaking of promises that sadly have not been promised. Its almost been a year she says, "a year of just us my friend, how we've almost gained it all but sadly lost it too, its been hard to say the least, but do you recall that winter's night so vividly? I didn't think so". Hope I guess is what we both held out for dear friend. I've rested for some time lately, the demons haunted me as I slowed down, made me question my worth and question our path, I guess sometimes in life we have to slow down, think about this life and realize that something's have to be done to grow, believe and achieve in ourselves but also not to question the path we wondered from for it could hold the key we need to recover. Its funny how the first fact that you realize is t...

It came over so fast, those thoughts I've been trying to push out for so long. Distractions kept it at bay, kept the mind wondering for more, more for this world and more of the new and less of before, before those times and those promises less of the pain they inflected. If truth be told I do wonder, but I mustn't let it cloud my judgement, the progress you've made she says "the wounds have healed but the scares are deep, I know poor child its been hard and you question everyone and everything but please, just breathe, the scares will fade in time just look at your wrist". She speaks only truth for she's had my back, following my every foot step, knowing my whereabouts and keeping this shameful secret. The mind goes cloudy with noise, the tension is too much at times, rest isn't on the menu neither is laughter once promised or tales of history being made. "Forget the dwellings" she says, "they only cover the darkness over head, ti...

As I stop the motions of life I couldn't help but wonder; what ever happened to the boy who laughed uncontrollably, the boy who smiled every day, went out like it was no ones business and the boy who somehow harvested all that light to push those demons away? While I look in the mirror I can see that sparkle has vanished, replaced by a slight nothingness feel and energy, dull clouds of questions seem to shimmer in the mind while the light slowly fades. I cant help but feel trapped to this world and this place, this struggling mind state of despair only brought on by the deep breaths drawn in. Those winter months filled with such escapism clouded the real judgement my mind made. Those every growing addictions to prescriptions, drugs and alcohol slowed down the narrow mind state I felt so trapped in, made each day seem so fussy and free until the come down and the next hit. The ever growing circle I we...

Sophia is what I need to remember in these dark hours. While I try so hard I really do, to leave it behind and move on, enjoy my life and not question this path of solitude and slight bliss, I cant help but think about the present for your soul is no where near mine now. I wonder who crawls into your bed at night, I wonder how your days go, what your routine holds and if you only think back to those days too. Life has changed us old love, it will never be back, our bird has flown the nest and a flight she is alone to face the long days of sunshine and the cold nights that approach. It worries me and despite the fact I seem fine I'm not. My wounds go deeper then I once thought, I feel as if I'm not worthy of this life, this place I've found myself in. It scares me sometimes how much has changed and how much I want that. Its hard to accept yourself as someone, you do not admire and this is my downfall. My neurotic mind pumps visions of a life well lived but the ch...