A Blue Bouquet

We may know the demons in our head well, but only when someone tells you what your doing to yourself does it really become reality. * As I walk down Dorset street, alone and almost saddened by the strings my heart is pulling at can I see what I'm doing, can I see the war in really waging with myself. It took someone to really sink it into my head and make me see all that's become of me, the mistakes I'm making out of sheer doubt that's been handed down by the past. It's controlling my life in more ways then one, it's upsetting the natural balance I live on, decisions I make on life and ultimately everything I think. * My blues are harder to control at times yet I look towards the light of day and that silver lining on those grey clouds, I think it's about time you took some advice and followed in my foot steps dear friend.

It's slowly making sense now, the curse that was inflicted by the time I took to resolve the battles in my mind now leave me with cold feet. It's a bitter fight to fight, it's craving that of the past yet I'm unable to settle for the touch of the present. I can't escape the terrible clutches the past holds over me, a broken connection has me in its grip and I don't know what todo to shake myself free. Emotions are pouring out at the thought, the idea seems oh too sweet yet I can't handle the aftermath, that feeling of dread, that feeling of shame and that feeling of emptiness. The resolution is being kept, take it day by day she told me, never have I received better advice. * "One more night, that was a good one, one more night, I dreamed it was a good one".

Part one. Everything I've done has been a contradiction to what I've always stood for. Is it wrong I've waged this war, this eternal battle of love and life, past and present, hopes and dreams? Its the only thing keeping my mind at ease sometimes, it slowly takes my mind away on a trip I so vividly can't picture, it takes me to a place of such calm and such sense yet the aftermath of written words only drown out the sorrow for some time. Part two. There's a lot that could factor the thoughts of my mind, coming home to an empty house, coming down from the pills I've taken or being tired and frustrated at life, but all these combined don't structure the thoughts that dwell there. It's been on my mind for quite some time now, and I can't help but keep my mind racing at the thought of such an exchange. Part three. I think we all do, at some stage or another, question the figures of the past in the light of the present for some sort of closur...

The only problem with going to bed is the fact I've to wake up in the morning and face my demons all over again. * They say time heals all, but left alone for the most past of over a year has truly helped in healing this poor souls heart, it's taken a long time and despite the memories I cling on to I am truly over the shadow of my former life, one where I wasn't living, one where I waged a war between two over a life one simply never had and one, one simply thought would be his. It's a sad tale for two that coffee was never poured whilst sitting in the somewhat sun filled cafe, that the email still goes unanswered and that we both don't know what's going on nor do we care. I am living. * Whist in a small state I've come to understand what's holding me back from gabbing life by the balls and enjoying its true splendour. I understand the problems I face, but how to achieve a state of calm will take time. The memories have been so burnt into my...

We all have those moments, us battered souls more so then others. Joyous occasions often bring about the dark side of the cloud, it forms itself in the shape of our anxiety or our bouts of depression or for some it's the universe dragging up the shadows of a past figure you simply can't escape from. * A bitter exchange made me rethink my actions on the life I'm having and made me rethink the motions in which I set this life a sail. My water once choppy and dark now a clear blue marine in which this artful souls see his life, yet I can't help but let myself really go and enjoy the crystal clear marine or the clear blue skies, could it be that I'm not ready to truly let go of the past and not question the actions of which my present is formed? * Looking at it now after a good nights sleep I can see the fractures the hold everything together, doubt has always been my achilles heel despite my strength it always wins over the body, but it's time to slowly ...

The fabric of reality and time is something that we think is indefinite, but when it comes to ourselves can we really limit the time or can we as people really believe that one day we will achieve all that we want? * Everyone goes through the motions sometimes, the tales that rip apart the love that blossomed by sheer mistake or maybe by sheer faith who knows for that love is no sitting across from you in the coffee shop, that love is no longer curled up in your bed at night and sadly that love is no longer someone you love. I've caught up with the reality I'm in lately and the factors that have brought me here. When I look back on the journey I'm not left cold hearted or annoyed I'm just left stunned that it's taken me this long to understand it and grasp the ideas of real life. I can't help but look in admiration at those close to me for there making there own reality, taking real time and courage todo so, there somewhat of a figure I admire sometimes...