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Connected // Alone.

It's my belief that the early stages of your life shape the present we're in, the decisions we make towards our future are a repercussion of early memories. Memories people have inflicted on our youthful selfs be it good or bad - you're memoirs stick from very early childhood (clinically proven fact), decisions people make impact life intensely but it's only when we take a step back and look at our lives extremely carefully do we see how all the dots are connected; why you are the way you are, how you arrived here, how your thought processor lead you to this point in life. Some may say it's a mystery, a twisted faith by the universe but stop and look - who you are is those around you.

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If I look at my life extremely closely I see where I got my strength from, my loving nature (despite all the set backs) the hopefulness I believe is possible yet I see how doubt has clouded my judgement and I can clearly see where my anxious tendencies and abandonment issues stem from, yet while I see the early memories attached to these characteristics I also see how my thought processor pushed me for more, how what and why I got here, ultimately who I am in the end and I'm thankful for everything, good & bad. 

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I was recently doing cocaine one Saturday night, still buzzed on the Sunday evening I went for drinks with a friend, at one point I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for a good five minutes- my mind was blown, split in half right down the middle, it was almost like I was in the midst of a heavy hazy even a dream like world and then, while staring at myself it clicked, "this is you". With one simple sentence I got to thinking, what do I want? Now I've asked myself this question once before but now there Isn't anything to look back on and guide me, there is in fact, no memory to attach to this question because it's so separate, introverted to myself singular even, not a repercussion from a memory or a person infact. 

My point to this is that after such an age you enter your own phase, the memories stuck with you from early childhood do mould your life, the decisions you make however they impact you slowly start to give way to a second thought, for your own thought processor in fact and when we ask those questions it's us who decides them, and well, we best make the right ones because it's our complications not those of others that we need to understand. 

We are a community of people impacted by actions, voices and consequences. Try enter your own phase, stop breathe and take a step back and look closely at your life - the joy you'll find is answering your own questions. 

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