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Bold Moves

"Can you truly understand this entire proposal, truly grasp what your giving up in order to justify this entire move"? A question I suppose I haven't truly asked myself yet. 

It's funny, my ambition and determination in my career are at an all time high yet my own personal strength is in question* 

*moments of fear and doubt are normal, thinking of how not when are a given, but when you get out of town and get that new perspective it quickly wakes you up from the anguish and repetitiveness of life back here and for some, if you don't get out of town you don't see that you need a new perspective so you stay unrewarded for the struggles, stay and close yourself off. Stay and nothing changes. 

* 
I've spent over three hundred quid on flights tonight, one for my a quick return in July but the main one, the one that's one way still hasn't sunk in, yet in truth it hasn't been chewed nor swallowed and my stomach hasn't even turned with the rich smell of success that's poured all over it - I've been applauded, complimented and cheered, yet I'm numb when I think about it. I've no plan other than my 6pm flight, I've no where to live nor do I know anyone and for someone with anxious tendencies I'm not shaken to my core or breaking a sweat. I'm not excited (granted I cried at one point) I'm not boustful to peers, I'm not celebrating - I'm looking now for the next stretch, I'm activity looking for the bigger challenge, like I said above my determination is almost my highest prize, it comes before  celebrations, it comes before taking a moment and enjoying simple pleasures, it's the battle I'm faced with and in these moments my struggle.

* 
Main Entry: stillness
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: silence
Synonyms: calm, calmness, hush, inaction, inactivity, lull, noiselessness, peace, placidity, quiet, quietness, quietude, serenity, still, tranquility. 

A lesson I believe is above.
I can calmly plan, carefully and quietly pack up my life into boxes, enjoy the lull of my repetitive life here before the madness begins, enjoy the comforts of calmness with my friends and enjoy the serenity of my family home. 

*
The thing about the bold moves is that they're terrifying, it could all end in tears, I could gain it all or it could fall apart, but when in life do you decide it's time to move on to the exciting, when in life do you decide it's you're time ? 

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