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Masked Comforts.

We are all programmed in many different ways, the wires connecting make us realise who we are, why we're here and why we do the things we do which ultimately leads us to who we are today - decisions we make impact our fragile life but it's ultimately the programming in our minds that cause it. 
I've been programmed (no fault of my own) to suffer, to question the possibilities & to live an almost unrewarding life (self awareness can be a terrible thing at times) yet lately, while I've relocated, completely uprooted my life & left the masked comforts* I'm awaiting the meltdown, that defining moment when I crumble, cry and call out for home - yet for me now, who's here, taking each moment to have a small victory over life I don't think I will crumble or cry, I've programmed my mind to see the difference between it all & giving up all the was before is almost burning the sorrow of a sad o'soul. 

* 
They say the older we get the smaller our circle of friends become, from understanding  the consist change that surrounds us we destroy friendships, swap circles and even dismantle our own imagine of self worth in the hope of solidarity -  yet this game changer makes it hard to stand tall and proud but don't be fooled dear friend, for changing with such hope only masks the problems. 

I suppose it's funny, I've questioned the level at which I'll change but with such hope that I remain the same person yet I know change is constant and struggling to remain the person you knew would be to go against this process.

*
Comforts - believing in yourself & trusting yourself is that hardest part of life, for comforts only mask security and that sense of home. When you take a step away you'll see without knowing it that  you've found the answers amongst the struggles in the light. 

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