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January Blues.

January is a hard month both financially and emotionally, it's the month of hibernation, penny counting and sheer boredom, after the excitement of christmas the bitter realisation that winter is here has set into our minds and the only thing to look forward to is spring and the sweet scent  of health. 

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Honestly I have no reason to feel this way, yet sometimes no reason is reason enough. 
Maybe it's the fact that it's January or maybe the fact I've slowed down enough to contemplate things; the career I've been told I'm not going to have, the realisation that my independent mind is a curse more than a blessing or maybe I'm addressing the fact that it's hard sometimes, no commitment only to yourself.
A series of questions I can't seem to address. 

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I wrote this three years ago; 

"Society has placed an image within everyone's head of the ideal person or what our lives should look like, we should go to college, master our minds by social conformity and settle into a bullshit life based on the standards of our parents. 
We're told from a young age to be better, get better grades in school, be the best player on the team; no wonder our generation is so complex compared to pervious when the standards of excellence are always being raised". 
 
Everyone wants better, a better everything infact but the problem I face with that is, now at the tender age of 26, when things are going well for me I try to find the flaw, I anguish over the idea of happiness and what it means, yet the notion has been forced upon me by society and bending that to my own mantra is hard. 

- Self awareness is a fundamental positive tool yet allowing yourself the time to dwell on such actions only cause pain. 

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I sometimes feel that I need to write this, to understand the questions in my mind, yet lately I haven't had any. Subjecting myself todo this is (for now) my downfall. 
I'm happy, really happy at my decision to leave everything I knew, yet there is still a lot of things  to experience, a life to bend & fit differently, a new outlook to find, yet it's all progressional & keeping this up is personal allusion. 

Looking for perspective and driving yourself forward in the hope of nothing is what we've become. Moral actions place us at our own despair sometimes, stepping back and refreshing a healthy imagine is something undone for people who follow. A lack of confidence emerges, solitude takes hold even within a group dynamic, before you know it your faced with the realisation that you, are not you. 

Cherish everything & remember; 
The effect of happiness is short lived, we are conditioned to seek it out daily - short lived moments to put a smile on our faces, a laugh to cheer us up by friends or a drink to talk about the issues at hand. When I think about happiness I think we've to accept ourselves, for all that we are, once and for all. 

Enjoy the splendour of now for soon it will all be over. 


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