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Recap PT 3.

To be in love; suffering with the repercussions of the past, understanding my last relationship, dealing with my family, dealing with myself in therapy - understanding the "reality" I find myself in,  is almost detrimental to the health of the relationship I now find myself in, yet how does one embrace it all when your so consumed in the past & so fearful of the future ? 

I crave for a life in light, a happy life that my therapist thinks looks similar to a Disney production, but what will it take to let it all go....I've just realised, I'm the one holding this pain, I'm the one who's afraid to let it go, I'm the masicast  derailing my life. 

(They will never listen to me, they will never understand, but better to open up and share at least to some extent, for understanding). 

Sad how you're all so weak. 
Compassion by sharing results is less prejudge, less ignorance to mental health and more understanding resulting in a real difference. 

*
(Open your eyes, take a second and look around you - do you like it? 
Think back again to when you were younger ? 
Are you living the life you pictured or are you thinking of something bigger ?) 

The thing with getting out of town, out of the house and out of the city you live in is sometimes your granted free time, enough time to understand the direction you're life is going in, the issues your faced with and the repercussions that effect the people around you and if your lucky enough to understand this, hopefully you'll be lucky enough to change this. 

Just like Bali in 2012, I'm going home with a different perspective, unknown to my Friend who I traveled with, I'm leaving Romania with an understanding of myself, I'm seeing the bigger picture not focusing on the trivial. 
 - 
I want a life as amazing with my boyfriend as the life I've made for myself. 
( time heals all, resolve comes to the brave, hardship may follow but embracing light regardless of how dark it is inside opens you up to unimaginable peace within yourself). 

This entire blog of personal accounts has never been about well wishes or receiving sympathy, fuck that shit. 
It's about people, the complexity we all suffer with, those who are brave share it those who are weak don't  achkowladge it's ever exestiance. 

- 
I can't thank those in person due to our distance so for once I'll name;
Kym, Gillian, Sarah, my Mother & sister, Tammy, Tomer, Ryan, Pier and Tom. 

*
Imagine lying flat on the ground. 
You're solid, not fighting gravity, not moving an inch yet the entire room around you is spinning, the inner torment you increasingly allow into your life is spinning you at such force you can't differentiate between reality & the unconscious. 

It's never too late to change lanes.   



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