A Blue Bouquet

I've been struggling a lot with masked emotions of fear, fear that's stolen my heart & my hope.  I've explored the darkest parts of mind in fear, hoping that maybe I can figure it out, that I can make sense of everything. But still to no avail, fear wins.  *  Today I told a friend my truth The bitter truth I spoke of words only in my mind  my darkest secrets I've kept hidden  Of the life I'm destroying, ultimately sacrificing for some strange hope.  They say the purest water comes from the sky in the form of rain, falling down on our heads we run towards cover hiding in the most darkest of places to stay warm & dry but I've always believed the rain was a gift to wash away my sins somehow, like a present from above to restore the peace within myself.   * Everything is dangerous when your living on the edge, the edge of reason  beyond telling anyone your problems I slip it softly under my pillow aw...

Chasing down a wild dream  I run away from my happiness   thinking that maybe Father, it's all because of you, yet twenty years later I know better than to blame the fool who killed himself. * Bathing bright lights as the thunder draws me inwards, still I remember that feeling whilst sitting on that beach on a lonely summers evening. Do I cry sometimes ? Not nearly enough, not at all if I'm honest ~  I won't forgot the late March evening when you pulled me close and kissed me slightly, filled me hot and uneasy for you are beautiful. Fleeting feelings as therapy pulled me towards a hardened stone of self destructive thinking, yet now many months later, bathing bright lights as the rain soaked my skin on that Sunday afternoon I cried myself to sleep, wet in my bed I lay, my soaked clothes tight on my skin, reminding me of the colder moments of my life.  I'm trying to keep my head above water but somehow, something is pulling me down ~