A Blue Bouquet

I recently purchased an ablum, its a very good album and I thought I would cry but I didn't. It felt good not to cry along, but sing and understand where I was and were I'm going. Track 3; Is what I realised what was going on in my relationship after it ended. Looking back its kinda funny, I never seen the signs, the signs that its not you and its not me, we need our time and we need to think about us as individuals and we are. We don't talk, we don't write or email. But I know in time we will be friends, I'm finally sitting at my table with a different outlook on life with my glass half full and it feels good. Track 7; Makes me angry because its what I done. I gave all my power for you, all my power for us, and I got consumed by it. We both did and it wasn't good for us, it made us weak and made us over think and question things. But in the end we left that place, sadly not together but as individuals going down our own roads. I crumbled and brok...

We wake up, disorientated for a while by the alarm but we wake up every day. We have breakfast, we shower and we get ready. We may look in the mirror and see our reflections and see thing's we don't like. Like the pain we hide underneath our clothes or our make-up. Picking out an outfit to feel good about ourselves or doing our make-up to hide our face's, y es we try our best everyday to hide the pain and feel good about ourselves, its a pick me up when we see our reflection's in the mirror and see something so well put together looking back, we feel great, we feel we have cheated another day, a day without pain and thoughts. See its funny how we all see ourselves, some people don't care what they look like, they show there pain or there happiness and get on with life without masking themselves but some of us like to hide it. Hide whats really going on, hide what's in our closet, all those skeletons playing havoc with our minds tearing us up inside and ...

I gave my power. I gave it all, all my power, my money and my body. I made myself a slave. A sex slave, lusting for more and more. I gave my power away, I never thought of me. I pushed my body so much to get power and give it away. It wasn't you and it wasn't me it was us. We became consumed in this power struggle, this love, this big love story. 2years, 3 continents, two Tiffany rings, one love. The love of the name, the tradition and the power we held and the joy we felt. But now, I see myself crumbling. My walls, my sky high walls torn down and turned into rubble. I'm rebuilding the walls. So high I cant see unless I run up my turret and look out over the land, my truly lovely land I lived in, now bleak and dark and full of grey clouds. The spring air is fresh no longer bitter and cold, there's no snow to hide the pain and suffering, no snow to cover up the scares, j ust fresh air, some sunshine and the urge for picnics come summer. Summer ...

Its funny. There are things I would never dream of doing, things I would never even comprehend of doing until now. See a few years ago I went a bit wild. It was my alter ego coming out, coming out of her little box, her box which was always so black and full of pain but always up for a good time and never ever questioning anything. She would make friends with everybody and anybody, go out all the time and dance the night away. But she needed to be stopped, which she was. Her box closed for a while and I settled down and started living in reality once again. It was pleasant, it was a good change for me. I would party at least four times a week, kiss everybody and anybody, make love here and there, not knowing names or faces, just going wild. Wild, as wild as a horse galloping about a field in the summer sun. She went away. She was locked up in her box, never to be open again, and I honestly thought she wouldn't. I didn't think I would see her again, she the mess I...