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The awful truth.

Without permission he left.

He wasn't happy, I couldn't make him happy despite my best effort's.
So he left me, ripped out my heart and made me question my life, love for him and all the memories I hold dear.

People come into your life.
Some stay for good and some only stay a short while.
Friends we see from time to time and friends we see all the time, those friends we see from time to time we miss them, we greatly miss them and sometime wish we could have a day with them.
A day to refresh our memories, a day to catch up, chat and gossip.
We live in hope for those day's and if were really lucky those friends are only a plane ride away.

But what about those people who come into our life's and fill it with endless joy, love and laughter, always promising to be by our sides whispering there love for us before we end one day and welcome another.
Would we want to catch up with them for the day ?

I've often those about this, a day as friends.
A day to catch up, chat and gossip, in an alternative reality I would like this, I would in fact love this but right now I'm driving, driving down my road of sorrow passing the tree's of past happiness, passing the green fields in which we were born in and frolicked in, passing memories.

I cant see you right now.
I cant handle a day as friends all the memories I hold close I'm fighting for.
I'm almost refusing to accept my new life, a life without you in it.
A life of me, just me again and its hard, its hard not to have you with me.
A life of me trying to pick myself of the floor and look for someone just as perfect as you, someone who understands my dreams, my hopes and my desires for a life I never ever had growing up.

I'm scared, I'm terrified in fact of moving from this road.
As awful as this road is its all I have right now.
So meeting up as friends would only pull me back, back to your door step to the first second I left your home.

I'm standing on a bridge not meeting you but watching you roll by on your boat.
Your boat of happiness persuing a life for you, something more fulfilling then me.
I'm on the bridge looking at your back smiling as you sail on by, waving and wishing you well.
I hope the water is calm and that the river is full of pleasant new adventure's because you see, my road is so dark, its so dark and lonely and haunted by memories and I don't want that for you, I really don't.

Time traveling along my road will bring me to a place much simpler then this.
A place of real happiness, solitude and bliss.
As I sit on the river Seine in the sun shine, on the left hand side of the bank with a coffee in m hand I can see the light.
The clouds aren't grey anymore and the rain has stopped and for the first time in a long time its warm again, so warm in fact I can take my coat and scarf off.

Without permission is a shock, without permission is the awful truth, but without permission we change, we change for the better, One way or another.

"Hey its getting a bit too sunny ,where's the sun block ?".

-This post is a collection of notes I've written over the past few months.
Thing's have changed since then.

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