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The jump to end all.

Ive jumped.
Ive jumped into the water, the ice cold water head first.
It was a shock to my system at first all the familiar surroundings in which is hid in, lost myself in are gone.

The shock of the water took my breathe away, it hurt like hell and there's parts I wish I didn't do but that's the thing about jumping, the unexpected twist is its just what you needed to wake yourself up.
To drag yourself out of the familiar and into something new.

The familiar surroundings in which I hid in are gone, the tree's of past happiness are gone and replaced by a wide ocean filled with many island.
Islands in which I can rediscover myself in, reconnect with myself and find my own path.
There's three steps discover, connect and achieve.
In the world I'm in these steps seem huge and almost impossible but I've jumped and I cant take that back.
I cant get back to the forest and I'm happy I cant, I'm sick of the forest its killed me being there.
All the questions and memories have killed me, all the questions I'll never know the answers too.

You see the ocean in which I'm almost engulfed by is vast.
Full of opportunity and dreams,dreams which I can make a reality and dreams that I will.
Full of new people, new faces to befriend and new adventures.

I will always look back at that hill and the forest and think quietly to myself, about the cocoon I became captive in and I will always have questions but I've learnt to live with them and not questions them any more, its time to set my life in motion again (not sit in the dirt feeling sorry for myself), I wont let it stop me now I wont let it drown my present and the soak the people in it.

This morning I was looking at pictures.
Pictures from our time.
I smiled when I seen the ones at Sydney harbour, laughed at the ones of the golden bunny and remembered the sheer bliss I felt in Carin's not to mention New York.
I will always look back at our pictures and remember the happier days.
I will say this again, I miss you.
I miss you as my best friend and my lover, if I could someday have you as my friend then I would be truly lucky.
I have nothing but respect for you and I truly wish you well.
                                              
                                                                         ***

The end is in sight.
The light at the end of the tunnel is finally shining bright.

Through all this I've realized alot about myself, the good, the bad and the ugly.
The happily ever after I thought I would have I'm never going to get.
The questions I have will always go unanswered but I'm okay with that.
The thing is, I know now that the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself and that's the one I'm working on.
I may not have you but at least I've got money in my pocket, food in my pot and a roof over my head and some truly amazing friends.

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