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After the battle.

Nothing will ever be the same for its the past.

Our story cant be rewritten with anyone will may fall for.
We were something to me old friend, something of a pure fairy tale.
Tales passed on can be familiar but are always made up on new hope and a new despair.
A cruel character lives in the hope that's fighting the bad, while we as people only try to push for the light and the endless love we crave as humans.

I am my own cruel character.
I'm the one hurting myself at this stage, mocking myself with everything I do, a physiological battle between the mind which is fractured in two.
He puts them down because he feels unless and alone in this fight, he feels so powerless of the big D, its something that constricts around the power inside of him and slowly corrupts the mind and body.

With each tight grip Roisin takes a bigger stand.
Alone in this battle she tries with every fabric of her fictional being, welding her sword of hope and happiness, hoping she can inflict such brave hopeful and fun filled memories enough to knock some sense into him and make him rethink the changes of the weather that hurdles upon the land.

Its rather desperate.
Could he be some what crazy?
Has it fucked his life up for the most past?
All these questions can only be answered by him for he is the mind and body of this soul.

Sex, what does it feel like?
I cant remember the last time I had sex with anyone other then him.
I remember the last act so well, moans and groans of pleasure coursed through our bodies, sweet sweat dripped down our lips and the taste of those kisses I can't forget.
The energy inside of me is building up everyday, building into a mass of uncontrollable sexual frustration, sooner or later it has to be released, but not until the battle has ended and I am somewhat sane and able to make it a passionate act as opposed to a mistake.
A mistake he will begrudge me for but a mistake Roisin is counting on to win the battle she faces.

The present is pushing on everyday, a welcome sign of change.
Its June now, a far cry from November and while the sun splits the stones I do try everyday to release this ghost and release the battle that wages on inside of me.

Hope, it's all I really have.

*
This post is old.
Its now July, I can live my life without the ghost.
The battle is over, she won.
Thanks to a friend who said "It will happen again", which made me realise it will.
Why am I so hard on myself?
I went out, met a boy and now have a date today.
I didn't think I would have a date with anyone this year, but that's a sign that things are getting better.

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