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Old joy.

Old joy, great friends, laughter, dipped acid adventures, tea, gossip and fights all these things I've subjected myself to forget.

I've lived in the shadows of my despair for a long time.
Yes I went out, laughed and had fun but in the end the battle was still waging on inside my head.
I've always inflected the pain on myself, my whip of sorrow has scared my back, the tears dripped I've tasted one too many times...I am my own worse enemy.

It's only in the past couple of weeks that I've learnt to live with the life I lead, the road I've found myself on is still somewhat questionable and undesirable but I'm accustom to it.

The solitude I face I can happily say now is pure bliss, I enjoy my nights in alone, the free afternoons to do as I please, answer to only myself at the best of times and enjoy the relaxing noise of nothing.

I can safely say this, if I hadn't have been forced down this road of self discovery I wouldn't be where I am today.
I would have hung up my shoes in search of somewhere different, somewhere more accustom to where I came from.
I wouldn't know the people I do or be so blessed to call some friends, my slight drug dibbling wouldn't have started except the odd joint, I wouldn't be living, I would in fact be held hostage by my neurotic ideas of a life made up of pure fantasy, both of us struggling to find ourselves within such a dwelling.
Anger and jealously would be rife and even a hint of hatred would cloud our emotions, the fights would be chaotic and in the end we would have lost each other for good.

The only good to come out of this is my new found self, my new journey along the road of life and the hope that one day we may be friends.

The old joy is back, we have all grown up since those days but we remain still so close.
My circle is forgiving trust worthy and loyal, without them I honestly don't know where I would be today.


I've worked too hard to set a light to everything I've built, a life built without you, a life I now put myself first in and a life I can truly say I love.

Old joy I've missed you.
Old joy welcome back.

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