Skip to main content

All or nothing.

It's funny how I've found myself gaining everything I've wanted these past few weeks, yet at the same time I'm losing it all too.

I've moved home at an unhealthy expense but now I can sleep at night for I know my mind will be relaxed, I've grew through those people around me yet I can't help but question those of the almost past. Questions are shooting up left right and center yet I can't understand the language for it's totally unknown territory.

It's been bitter sweet if I'm honest, I don't know if or how this can be mended or if it will, all I know is to keep that promise for you set this silence in motion.
Now while the sides are drawn up and numbers have been lost or misplaced, people have moved on and grown up and some have cleverly imaged the world through someone else's eye's, I can't help but wonder what's become of us all?

I've taken two steps forward and four steps back lately.
Yes times have changed and it's gotten heavier but the idea of failure haunts me still.
I don't know what todo, I feel as if I'm stuck in this never ending chase of self gratification and lust for achievement.
When will it become clear?
When can I leave this place?

Questions have haunted my mind for weeks now, my worlds slowly colliding head on, the idea of chaos bring chills down my back but I feel it's all I have.

Bittersweet ain't so sweet after all.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Look At Me Now.

Since when did optimistic thinking become a pessimistic reality - when you actively seek out something in the tangible how do you manage to keep yourself positive in every negative situation that comes your way - I've come to think that the universe is fucking with me lately.  I have to laugh sometimes I truly do. Admiration for what is a chance of twisted faith or a pure mistake, either way you could look at it from two very distinctive perspectives but allowing the idea to wreak havoc in your mind is something you shouldn't entertain.  * It's hard to appreciate everything that happens to us, be it good or bad - yet these cosmic actions place our lives in the centre of our own despair, creating uproar & havoc, causing beautiful things to fall and harder reasons to reflect on - yet, after all this time, after everything that's caused pain causes just as much joy, love and appreciation for what you've got. Without grey clouds there is no silver lining in which to...
Post a Comment
Read more

Troubled // Hunter

How do you reshape your crushed hopes, you're almost prefect reality and yourself when life throws you that curve ball ?  It's 50/50 at the moment and if I recheck my emails again I swear I'll go insane.  *  This morning I awoke from a 13 hour sleep, baffled at how the hell I slept so hard in the first place when my day wasn't strenuous to begin with, but on reflection, my days lately have been a constant upheaval of emotional planning, stress and anxiety.  I've chosen to ignore the person screaming inside my head saying "let's get the fuck out" for far too long now, in every sense I'm done now, my decision is just and should it happen it will be a bitter end to a beautiful life.  *  I've chased ambition before, I'm naturally a very driven person but, on reflection a step outside  yourself is possibly the worst decision you can make, regardless of the high and mental anguish that took hold, impactful decisions call for c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Photos we forget.

I remember the breeze was cooling us down from the scorching sun above. Our feet ached because of the walk we done, yet our minds raced at the possibilities around us. It was my time to discover, my time to rest and ultimately my time to get away from it all. Everything slowly started to fall sort back home, the relationship with my family took a nose dive, trouble appeared in all shapes and forms and I couldn't manage the pressure, the feeling of failure and the sheer defeat in the process of guidance. It took me quite some time to build up the courage to actually slowly plan my escape, but I did. The months leading up to my departure were great, it almost seemed that life had slowly slotted itself back into place and an even better one at that- but the fragmented memories I have only tell the good times for we choose to ignore the bad. It wasn't a fairy tale, it was once love. Love the blossomed under the tall grass and under those duvets, the plastic card that h...
Post a Comment
Read more