Antibodies.

Has it been this easy to really forget?

Now that time has taken its toll I feel as though I'm okay for the most part anyway.
I've taken a new lease to life one I begrudged my friends for doing once upon a time, one I so dismissively talked about for I seen such states they would end up in, but now I'm one of them.
I keen user in a pure relaxant and a pure escape for some number of hours.
I've never known its full advantage until my world came crumbling down.

I remember the morning that followed, I broke down crying in front of those superiors.
My co's quickly seen and the gossip slowly following.
I stayed despite my wanting to hide under the covers of my bed, I came in everyday with a smile on my face, hiding the pain and embarrassment I felt the desperation in knowing I wanted him back.

Its taken me a long time to adjust to this life and if truth be told I'm still not there for the most part.
Its been a real struggle especially in those dark December days.
February was somewhat doable, while January my mind raced with harmful thoughts and powerful grudges I inflected on myself.
March was when I knew I needed to get out, take a break for it I didn't I would die.
April along with my escape thanks to an unforgettable friend came light and a place I needed to go to.
May with all its sunshine came a glimpse of happiness towards myself along with a battle between the two who co-exist in my mind.
June and the sweet taste of ammonia as it shot up my nose, music playing all day long and a true escape that I needed.
If it weren't for such escapes sometimes I honestly don't know what I would do or how I would cope with myself and my mind.

Now somewhere between I'm okay and I hate myself, I'm finding it doable, each day that is.
I've learnt to live with this questionable past for it no longer haunts me.
Life is only a short questionable road in which some thrive, sometimes we have to push ourselves out to really see what's on the inside.
I can truly say I pushed myself out a long time ago and its only know I know what I missed and ultimately what I almost lost.
If I did lose it all, It would have been so great, the thoughts did come and go for a brief time but I wouldn't do that, I couldn't do that to my mother knowing the pain I would selflessly inflict on those who blood runs through me.
But thankfully I had them to help, I had them to laugh with, joke with and to keep me happy and sane.
Sometimes we take things for granted, all of us do it but I can honestly say if it wasn't for my friends I would be lost.
Even the co's for some of them helped me along this road of rediscovery and helped in blocking out the big D that hides in the back.

The big D will come and go, it always has and I know it will always remain there, but at least somehow I can control its fluid cloud of hate rid.
People come into your life and people go, the people who stay make it worth while and make you rejoice each day for it is with them we celebrate, even with those who only stay a short while, they teach us more in fact then those who are here from the start.
There lessons must be learnt by hard as oppose to a slow class of four.

Live it learn it, forgive it forget it.
These simply words mean only too much right now.

My big blue rose, how you've blossomed from such a tiny bud.
I will always admire the race you've won because dear bud, I know from the start you've been doomed.