I cant help but look back on days past.
Day 1; We met at the Annie Mac gig in twisted pepper, me and my friends made fun of you for your outfit of choice (red skinny jeans and a black checked shirt), we seen each other smiled and eskimo kissed, my stomach went into instant knots with excitement and nervousness, we kissed a lot that night.
Day 238; I remember sitting on a seat in Adelaide international airport watching the strangers coming out of customs while awaiting your arrival.
My friend Emilee pointed you out I stood up and once again my stomach went into instant knots with excitement and nervousness but still I ran towards you with smile on my face.
You arrived, you cleared customs and made it, made it this far to me, it must have been love.
We went to E.T.C and had sweet delicious blueberry pancakes, you were so disorientated and confused.
Then we went to our apartment while unpacking we put up our Christmas tree then made real love, it was amazing.
Day 441; We were fighting in New York, I was drunk as were you.
I stormed ahead of you pissed off at comments you made about someone, it was a stupid fight we had.
I remember walking ahead of you in Williamsburg passing by people while I wiped the tears from my face, then when we entered your apartment building I took off my ring and said I'm done, I was sick to my stomach and shaking to my core in disbelief I done this, we slept separately that night both in shock and both pissed off.
The next day I awoke early and went into Manhattan alone, I walked around for hours pondering the depths of my mind but I came back like a dog with his tail between his legs.
I knew I was totally in the wrong and that I should have never said anything or even done anything, I knew while walking around the city that you mean too much to me to fight with you here, your favourite place on earth and you, the person I love most in the world.
New York was amazing, I really miss the simplicity of it all.
Day 22; After a night out we were in a taxi and as we stopped for me to get out I asked, "is this a one stop taxi or a two stop taxi?", you got out with me and we walked the ten minutes to my house.
Both drunk huddling together to keep each other straight up.
The next morning I awoke with your arms wrapped around me, it felt amazing.
I sneaked you out and we got a coffee before you walked me to work, the smile I had that day never left my face.
Day 546; You went away to spend time with your friends.
You didn't call that often or text that much, I thought let him have his fun he deserves it, he needs it.
When you came home you were so vague about everything, I guess something happened maybe you realised you wanted out and nothing I could have done would have changed your mind.
We started to drift, well more so you drifted away from me.
Looking back on it now I should have seen it better but my mind was clouded with love for you.
Day 140; While we were in Paris I knew I really loved you.
There's something about the city that I love so much and to show you my favourite place on earth was only too sweet.
We went here and there taking photos and having a laugh, drinking in a playground with a cheap bottle of wine, making love everyday and night, walking around carelessly not thinking that in 2weeks time I was gone.
It was our place at that time, a true escape from reality and a true start at a true love.
Looking back on all these memories just makes me think, what did we do wrong?
If I could I would go back and slap myself silly, but I guess sometimes in life we have to lose to learn lessons, lose to grow and develop ourselves, but after a life of hardship and pure confusion I cant help but wonder will I ever get my piece of cake and eat it too?
Last night I seen an old friend, She told me that her and her boyfriend broke up recently and just like me she was going trough the motions.
We talked briefly about it and just like me she said "I just got so consumed by it, if I could I'd go back and kick myself" but in reality we cant, I know how hard it is to really not belong to someone any more but my friend, day after day its gets better.
Its been 7months since he left me, the days will go quicker, the thoughts about him will fade as will he in your life and soon you'll be somewhat okay.
Memory its a funny thing.
Days go by where I cant recall a single thing but I remember everything we talked about, did and didn't do.
I remember our laughs, our fights and our tears, our reunions and our holidays.
I remember you saying "I cant give you what you want", well its funny because I don't want that any more.
I don't want you any more, I love you but I'm not in love with you.
Your sight will shock me, your voice will shake me to my core and your smile will break my heart once again.
Day 198; (single) it only now feels okay to be alone.
Maybe someday we can meet up over a coffee like I did today with an ex-boyfriend.
Joke and laugh about things we did and catch up but this time as friend's.
It was nice to do that, I didn't think we ever would or could, but we've grown up alot in the past 3years.
Thank you for today.
Day 1; We met at the Annie Mac gig in twisted pepper, me and my friends made fun of you for your outfit of choice (red skinny jeans and a black checked shirt), we seen each other smiled and eskimo kissed, my stomach went into instant knots with excitement and nervousness, we kissed a lot that night.
Day 238; I remember sitting on a seat in Adelaide international airport watching the strangers coming out of customs while awaiting your arrival.
My friend Emilee pointed you out I stood up and once again my stomach went into instant knots with excitement and nervousness but still I ran towards you with smile on my face.
You arrived, you cleared customs and made it, made it this far to me, it must have been love.
We went to E.T.C and had sweet delicious blueberry pancakes, you were so disorientated and confused.
Then we went to our apartment while unpacking we put up our Christmas tree then made real love, it was amazing.
Day 441; We were fighting in New York, I was drunk as were you.
I stormed ahead of you pissed off at comments you made about someone, it was a stupid fight we had.
I remember walking ahead of you in Williamsburg passing by people while I wiped the tears from my face, then when we entered your apartment building I took off my ring and said I'm done, I was sick to my stomach and shaking to my core in disbelief I done this, we slept separately that night both in shock and both pissed off.
The next day I awoke early and went into Manhattan alone, I walked around for hours pondering the depths of my mind but I came back like a dog with his tail between his legs.
I knew I was totally in the wrong and that I should have never said anything or even done anything, I knew while walking around the city that you mean too much to me to fight with you here, your favourite place on earth and you, the person I love most in the world.
New York was amazing, I really miss the simplicity of it all.
Day 22; After a night out we were in a taxi and as we stopped for me to get out I asked, "is this a one stop taxi or a two stop taxi?", you got out with me and we walked the ten minutes to my house.
Both drunk huddling together to keep each other straight up.
The next morning I awoke with your arms wrapped around me, it felt amazing.
I sneaked you out and we got a coffee before you walked me to work, the smile I had that day never left my face.
Day 546; You went away to spend time with your friends.
You didn't call that often or text that much, I thought let him have his fun he deserves it, he needs it.
When you came home you were so vague about everything, I guess something happened maybe you realised you wanted out and nothing I could have done would have changed your mind.
We started to drift, well more so you drifted away from me.
Looking back on it now I should have seen it better but my mind was clouded with love for you.
Day 140; While we were in Paris I knew I really loved you.
There's something about the city that I love so much and to show you my favourite place on earth was only too sweet.
We went here and there taking photos and having a laugh, drinking in a playground with a cheap bottle of wine, making love everyday and night, walking around carelessly not thinking that in 2weeks time I was gone.
It was our place at that time, a true escape from reality and a true start at a true love.
Looking back on all these memories just makes me think, what did we do wrong?
If I could I would go back and slap myself silly, but I guess sometimes in life we have to lose to learn lessons, lose to grow and develop ourselves, but after a life of hardship and pure confusion I cant help but wonder will I ever get my piece of cake and eat it too?
Last night I seen an old friend, She told me that her and her boyfriend broke up recently and just like me she was going trough the motions.
We talked briefly about it and just like me she said "I just got so consumed by it, if I could I'd go back and kick myself" but in reality we cant, I know how hard it is to really not belong to someone any more but my friend, day after day its gets better.
Its been 7months since he left me, the days will go quicker, the thoughts about him will fade as will he in your life and soon you'll be somewhat okay.
Memory its a funny thing.
Days go by where I cant recall a single thing but I remember everything we talked about, did and didn't do.
I remember our laughs, our fights and our tears, our reunions and our holidays.
I remember you saying "I cant give you what you want", well its funny because I don't want that any more.
I don't want you any more, I love you but I'm not in love with you.
Your sight will shock me, your voice will shake me to my core and your smile will break my heart once again.
Day 198; (single) it only now feels okay to be alone.
Maybe someday we can meet up over a coffee like I did today with an ex-boyfriend.
Joke and laugh about things we did and catch up but this time as friend's.
It was nice to do that, I didn't think we ever would or could, but we've grown up alot in the past 3years.
Thank you for today.
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