Skip to main content

Time and punishment.

Sometimes when the sun is shining and I'm alone sitting in the shade reading a book, quietly smoking a cigarette I miss his presence in my life.
For on that sunny day we would picnic in the tall grass that would hide our shameless acts of passion and love.
I miss the taste of his lips pressed against mine, I miss his touch and his body, I miss the smell of his home and the clutter of his bedroom, most of all I miss him.

Those days are hard for they hold such memories.
We only had snow for a brief moment, while tucked away on the sofa an open fire heating the room in which we sat tucked into each others bones, quietly we kissed embracing our love.

Now shattered I am, holding these memories close to my heart for I feel I may never have them again.
I know I will never have them again with you, for you hold the key to my happiness, but now while the days and months pass so quickly I can hardy comprehend anyone getting close to me or vice versa.

Your all I want my love.
Despite my progress I'd return it all, make my deal with the devil to hold you tight once more.
Make passionate love, not holding back from my body, embracing your bones until we mash together and live the life I dreamed, together in our arms each so desperate for love.

As I've said before my good days are good while my bad days are bad.

I've no reason to reason with them, for they don't know.
They welcome my good days and ignore the body of the bad.

Time is all I have, time to recover and ultimately end this self inflected war I'm raging inside my body.
I can see the effects already, I'm being worn down inside and out.
I only have one question, how long do I have to punish myself for?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Look At Me Now.

Since when did optimistic thinking become a pessimistic reality - when you actively seek out something in the tangible how do you manage to keep yourself positive in every negative situation that comes your way - I've come to think that the universe is fucking with me lately.  I have to laugh sometimes I truly do. Admiration for what is a chance of twisted faith or a pure mistake, either way you could look at it from two very distinctive perspectives but allowing the idea to wreak havoc in your mind is something you shouldn't entertain.  * It's hard to appreciate everything that happens to us, be it good or bad - yet these cosmic actions place our lives in the centre of our own despair, creating uproar & havoc, causing beautiful things to fall and harder reasons to reflect on - yet, after all this time, after everything that's caused pain causes just as much joy, love and appreciation for what you've got. Without grey clouds there is no silver lining in which to...
Post a Comment
Read more

Troubled // Hunter

How do you reshape your crushed hopes, you're almost prefect reality and yourself when life throws you that curve ball ?  It's 50/50 at the moment and if I recheck my emails again I swear I'll go insane.  *  This morning I awoke from a 13 hour sleep, baffled at how the hell I slept so hard in the first place when my day wasn't strenuous to begin with, but on reflection, my days lately have been a constant upheaval of emotional planning, stress and anxiety.  I've chosen to ignore the person screaming inside my head saying "let's get the fuck out" for far too long now, in every sense I'm done now, my decision is just and should it happen it will be a bitter end to a beautiful life.  *  I've chased ambition before, I'm naturally a very driven person but, on reflection a step outside  yourself is possibly the worst decision you can make, regardless of the high and mental anguish that took hold, impactful decisions call for c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Photos we forget.

I remember the breeze was cooling us down from the scorching sun above. Our feet ached because of the walk we done, yet our minds raced at the possibilities around us. It was my time to discover, my time to rest and ultimately my time to get away from it all. Everything slowly started to fall sort back home, the relationship with my family took a nose dive, trouble appeared in all shapes and forms and I couldn't manage the pressure, the feeling of failure and the sheer defeat in the process of guidance. It took me quite some time to build up the courage to actually slowly plan my escape, but I did. The months leading up to my departure were great, it almost seemed that life had slowly slotted itself back into place and an even better one at that- but the fragmented memories I have only tell the good times for we choose to ignore the bad. It wasn't a fairy tale, it was once love. Love the blossomed under the tall grass and under those duvets, the plastic card that h...
Post a Comment
Read more