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Sheer normality ?

Today I was told I'm anything but normal and as I got to thinking I guess there right.

My past is long and heavy, deaths haunt my family, breakdowns shatter my dreams and homelessness brought hopelessness.
All these I've been subjected to or have either witnessed in my short life.

I believe the past sets our life in motion makes us strive for dreams, dreams in which we thrive in and dreams in which we make a reality.

I once'd dreamed of him and me having this grand life purely out of love.
A grand life where I thrived on being someone else, someone in a story or a picture, someone made up by a great writer a character based on by those old fables of 'the housewife'.
I would cook and clean, do the laundry and attend the needs of my husband and our import.
My dream was fiction not even achievable by the realm of reality or by sheer concentration.

Now months later I see the novel before me, I see the shattered past of fiction and hope, the past of captivation and self indulgence and the past that I must remember will never be a reality.

It's hard sometimes to acknowledge it's ever existence and ultimately it's sheer failure.

It's the present now and while I plan the future alone I can't help buy wonder will I ever be more than what I was or does the fact I'm no way near normal play a part in all this, this odd sensation of a life we face daily.

The American dream seems strange to me, it's not who or what I am nor has it been what I want to become.
I guess I should always keep that in mind.

I'm not your normal twenty two year old guy, I'm a mistake on society a failure to my clan and a true in taker of the sights of life.
While the present comes with each moment and the past fades with each second I thank the creator of the life I've had.
I don't want the normality of life regardless of the fact I've never had one.

I've got my cards and I shall deal the hand I'm dealt.
As before so ever after.

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